It’s challenging enough to maintain relationships from a distance. Maybe you moved across the country from your family. Or your best friend has to take a job in a different state. Keeping those bonds strong can feel impossible. Now add injury, illness, or a life-changing event, and you might feel like the distance has grown even wider. How can you possibly “be there” for someone without physically being there? Fortunately, it is possible to show up for a loved one from afar. Here are some tips for how:
Send a Care Package
One of the most obvious ways in which you can send support to someone you love who lives far away is to send a care package. The situation could be anything from welcoming a new baby to healing from a chronic condition or even suffering a bad breakup. When your friend or family member is hurting, they often just want to know they’re not alone. Plus, it’s hard for anyone to care for themselves when life deals a heavy blow, whether it’s positive or negative.
When you send a sympathy care package or a basket of fun items to celebrate, you send love in the form of comforting gifts. For a new parent, you could add a warming casserole, chocolate chip cookies, a baby blanket, and a new toy. For an injury or illness, you might include bubble bath, cozy socks, candles, and a book on healing. Consider the specific situation your loved one is in, and the needs and interests of the person, and load up a box or basket of goods to show up at their door in your place.
Pay for Housecleaning
Many people avoid housework even in the best of times. Between work, kids, personal care, and a social life, the house just seems to be an afterthought. Add a difficult experience and a period of recovery, and dishes and laundry may pile up faster than the blink of an eye. At least it probably feels that way. Cooking and cleaning tend to fall by the wayside and are replaced by pizza boxes and takeout containers.
For this reason, paying for cleaning and laundry services is a great way to show support for someone having a tough time. You could ask them if they have a favorite local service, or just do the legwork for them by searching “maid services near me” for their city. Getting someone in the home to do dishes, run a vacuum, and get a couple of loads of laundry done can brighten up your loved one’s day. To build on a clean house, you can even have a nice, fresh meal delivered to celebrate.
Arrange Childcare
Kids present one of the biggest stressors in parents’ lives, and that’s without any unexpected tragedies, illnesses, or injuries. Even exciting and joyful experiences make life more challenging when you already have kids to care for. They need so much care, from feeding, bathing, and transportation to just sitting and listening to their concerns. Parents struggling to recover from a major life change may feel guilty for not being able to meet those needs as usual.
You can step in and show up for your loved one by offering childcare services, even from afar. Many platforms and services now offer verified, trusted nannies and babysitters with strong backgrounds in early childhood education and healthcare. You can also look into tutoring or transportation services if parents need help with either of those concerns. Every little bit helps when it comes to kids; it really does take a village. And parents can feel a bit less stressed and focus on moving through their current issues.
Plan Shared Activities
Sometimes, suffering a major life upheaval can make someone feel extra lonely. They might start missing the “good old days,” which includes being close to family and friends… like you. They may find themselves nostalgic for curling up on the sofa and watching a movie together, or planning one night a week to watch your show together. Loneliness is one of the hardest parts of a challenging situation because it makes you feel like you can’t handle the struggle at all.
One of the best ways you can show up for your friend or family member in this position is to actually “show up” virtually. Pick a new show to watch together and sit on the phone while you both stream it at the same time. Have your loved one choose a movie they’ve been meaning to watch and then send them a package with microwave popcorn and their favorite candy. Then set a date to watch the film together and enjoy your snacks at the same time. Even miles apart and time zones away from each other, you can still be right there.
Pick Up the Phone
Finally, loneliness can create a dark experience, and sometimes, all it takes is a phone call… or two or three. When your friend or family member is going through a difficult time, they may feel like no one cares. Even if they get cards, flowers, and casseroles at their door, they’re still not often hearing the voices of their loved ones at the other end of the dial tone. In these days of texts and emails, people just don’t pick up the phone like they used to.
To pull someone out of a dark time, you can pick up the phone and make the call. Even if your loved one seems to be avoiding your call, keep trying. You can text ahead of time to say, “Hey. I’ve been thinking of you. When’s a good time to talk?” And keep doing that for months going forward. After all, grief and healing have no specific timeline. When you do get your loved one on the phone, let them lead the conversation. It’s your job just to show up and listen. Even if that just means making small talk.
In the end, there are many ways to show up for your loved one when they’re going through something. Whether it’s an injury or illness, a new baby, or new job, you can be present, even from hundreds of miles away. Plan a phone call, watch a movie on your respective couches together, and send over a care package. The key is to know your friend or family member well enough to ask them what they need and then do your best to provide it. Comfort comes in many forms.
